These words came from the book “A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis and it pierced directly into my heart. See I thought we had more time. We were planning on taking a trip to London in December. We wanted to explore more things now that we settled in our dream city. I thought there would be more laughs, more disagreements, more memories, and even more love. Yet on June 14, 2020, that all felt like it got cut off. It feels like a part of me has died with my husband.
So here I am at the age of 48 trying to adapt to this new life called widow. It’s in a sense a journey of alone into the alone. Everyone can have sympathy which is greatly appreciated, but no one really understands the pain of this besides a fellow widower. Some try to compare it like a divorce. Yet a divorce is a choice, becoming a widower is basically decided for you. You don’t have a choice in this new role. You basically have to sink or swim in it.
As I face the alone into the alone, I can yet see the beauty in the ashes that God always bring. I realize there was a point where Jesus had to enter the alone into the alone when he had to face Calvary. He experience God having to turn his back on him due to our sins laid on him. He knows this type of pain. So for those of us who maybe entering an alone into the alone moment, remember we have the YET GOD who will never leave us nor forsake us!
It is not easy for a widower. I always covered them in my prayers, but now I am one who needs the covering myself. Nevertheless there is a strength and love that can only be filled by Abba Father that makes this difficult journey beautiful. Not everyone gets to experience such a love in a marriage. So I’m grateful for my spouse loving me the way God loves me, the in spite of love. I’m grateful for the wonderful memories we shared and some obstacles that Lord got us through. So I say to fellow widowers, especially those that are new to this club as myself, be encouraged to know that there are yet beauty in the ashes that only our God can bring!