Sunday, July 26, 2020

Alone Into the Alone

These words came from the book “A Grief Observed” by C.S. Lewis and it pierced directly into my heart.   See I thought we had more time.  We were planning on taking a trip to London in December.  We wanted to explore more things now that we settled in our dream city.  I thought there would be more laughs, more disagreements, more memories, and even more love.  Yet on June 14, 2020, that all felt like it got cut off.  It feels like a part of me has died with my husband.

So here I am at the age of 48 trying to adapt to this new life called widow.  It’s in a sense a journey of alone into the alone.  Everyone can have sympathy which is greatly appreciated, but no one really understands the pain of this besides a fellow widower.  Some try to compare it like a divorce.  Yet a divorce is a choice, becoming a widower is basically decided for you.  You don’t have a choice in this new role.  You basically have to sink or swim in it.

As I face the alone into the alone, I can yet see the beauty in the ashes that God always bring.  I realize there was a point where Jesus had to enter the alone into the alone when he had to face Calvary.   He experience God having to turn his back on him due to our sins laid on him. He knows this type of pain.  So for those of us who maybe entering an alone into the alone moment, remember we have the YET GOD who will never leave us nor forsake us!

 It is not easy for a widower.  I always covered them in my prayers, but now I am one who needs the covering myself.  Nevertheless there is a strength and love that can only be filled by Abba Father that makes this difficult journey beautiful.  Not everyone gets to experience such a love in a marriage.  So I’m grateful for my spouse loving me the way God loves me, the in spite of love.  I’m grateful for the wonderful memories we shared and some obstacles that Lord got us through.  So I say to fellow widowers,  especially those that are new to this club as myself, be encouraged to know that there are yet beauty in the ashes that only our God can bring!

Tuesday, July 14, 2020

When Darkness Feels Like Your Friend

Psalms 88:18
You have taken away my companions and loved ones.  Darkness is my closest friend.

Have you ever been in this place?  A place where it seems so dark that you can’t even think about the light, let alone see it.  A place where you feel so empty.  Days run into weeks and weeks run into months.  Where you’re physically around but mentally elsewhere?

Death has been a dark place for me.  First with my beloved Grandmother who was the clue of our family.  Facts, our family haven’t been the same since her transition.  That was followed by my beloved mom who I admired so much in so many ways.  I had to witness my brother for a moment dance with the dark side after her transition.  Then in April of this year, my mother-in-law spread her wings from this earth.  I thought it was my turn to play the supportive role for my husband as he did I when this pass June he said his goodbye to this realm as well.  It feels like every last one of my blankets that kept me warm are now all gone from this realm.  The hurt, the pain, the tears; even the anger at times has become my new normal.

It would be easy to take the route of Job’s wife with the curse your God and die syndrome.  Darkness has a way of sucking you into its own little world of addictions and chaos that  disguise itself as pleasures.  Darkness can even feel like it’s your friend and ask you for a dance. Yet even in darkness we have a choice.

Psalms 139:12
Even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.

Yes, we can choose for the light to yet shine as light never leaves us!  He said He will never leave us nor forsake us. Just meditate on the beautiful God we serve for a moment.  He got angry, He wept, He knew how it felt to be betrayed, and He even understands the feeling of being alone.  He understands every emotion one can be going through for such a time as this.  His compassion fail not .So I pass on that dance with darkness and continue to look to Jesus who is the author and finisher of my faith!  

Therefore, it's ok not to be or feel ok.  One should allow their selves to release the anger, the pain, the hurt, the tears, and even the new norm of life. Nevertheless know we are not alone.  The Comforter is always here! Who else can provide pure peace, strength, and even joy in times like these-only God!

So I encourage those that feel like taking a dance with darkness to still draw from the light as He is the light.  As they say, to every beginning there is an end.  Yet it is HIS WORD that will abide forever. Rest in His Word.  Rest in HIM!

Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Remember HIS WORDS

And they remember his words…Luke 24:8

With anxiety, fear, and stress being released over the land; it can be easy to forget His words!  We can get so caught up in our feelings and what we are seeing that the words work by faith and not by sight can seem so far away.  Who would have imagined there would be a time as this where the saints couldn’t even gather together and worship Him in our churches.
Yet they remember his words…

His word that says He will supply our needs accordingly to the riches of his glory…Philippians 4:19

His word that says No evil shall befall us neither shall any plague come near our dwelling…Psalm 91:10
His word that says He is the Lord thy God that heals thee…Exodus 15:26

His word that says He will never leave us nor forsake us…Deuteronomy 31:6

His word that says I will rebuke the devour for your name sake…Malachi 3:11

It’s time like this where we have to remember HIS words and yet stand.  May we stay encourage and watch and see what our God does for His people!

Tuesday, March 24, 2020


As we were celebrating the coming of a new year not that long ago, who would have thought just a few months later our lives as usual would be abruptly interrupted in such away!   We went from going out whenever we felt like it to being bound to our homes.  Yet I find this as a time of exposure.

When all was going well, how many of us saints were diligently seeking God?  How many of us were yet dedicating time to spend with Abba, Father?  Was we really reading God’s Word or were we just depending on our Sheppard’s on Sunday mornings?  See we all think of God during a crisis, even the sinners.  Yet are we having a form of godliness or living this Christian walk as a lifestyle?

Isaiah 29:13
Wherefore the Lord said, forasmuch as this people draw near me with their mouth, and with their lips do honor me, but have removed their heart far from me, and their fear toward me is taught by the precept of men.

What a heart check scripture…selah

Saints, it’s time to check our hearts!  Let’s use this time to repent.   God warning has hit the land.  Will our lights so shine or would it be dim?  Just something to think about!

Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Oh That Noise

We all experience this from one time or another.  That one family member that can cause so much havoc, that one co-worker that seems to always be negative, that terrible DX that was just given to you, or the spirit of hatred that has spread across the land.  Yet do we ever stop and dwell on how all of these types of things are just satan’s noises?

Psalm 93:4

The LORD on high IS MIGHTIER THAN THE NOISE OF MANY waters, yea, than the mighty waves of the sea.

Oh but I’m worried about that DX…noise
Oh but they really frustrate me…noise
Oh but this government…noise
Oh but this job…noise

I am beginning to realize within my spirit, not just my mind that God is greater than any noise of life.  I can choose to have faith in the noise or have faith in my God.  Yes, there are times when this feels easier said than done, BUT either we’re going to believe God’s word is life or not! 
I encourage you to stand on His promises and proclaim His words of life that God is mightier than any of satan noises! 
Glory be to God!

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

Life Under a Sheet

1 Peter 1:24

For all flesh is as grass and all glory of man as the flower of grass.  The grass wither and the flower thereof falls away.


We all think we’re going to live forever, but the truth is we’re not!  Like a flower that buds into this beautiful human being. Our flowers begin to wither and eventually the pedals start to fall away.  Our life is like the wind, it comes and it goes.  Yet do we ever think about how our life would be under that sheet?

What would you want people first thoughts of you to be when your time has ended?  Would you like thoughts of he/she was an inspiration or they lifted me up whenever they came in the room.  Of course-we all want positive memories to be expressed when we are no longer on this plane.  So, what are we doing with the time we have to make that be a reality?

Are we walking in love?  Are we truly forgiving?  Are we looking beyond just our own little world?

Hebrews 9:27 speaks about after death comes judgement.  Think about it, what will God judge YOU on?  Not your neighbor, church, or even loves ones; just you!

Let’s remember that our life here on earth is short.  May we try to get beyond the non-important things that is really just us walking around in pride.  Instead let’s live our lives desiring to make a difference, and do something we always wanted to enjoy along the way.

P.S.  If you are not born-again and interested in giving your heart to the Lord, look at the salvation prayer on this page and repeat it out loud.  You just never know when you will be the one under that sheet!


Saturday, February 16, 2019

Every Knee

As reflecting upon Colin Kaepernick’s knee controversy, it makes me think on today times.

The weather is acting crazy.  Parents are against their children, children are against their parents.  People have become lovers of evil more than lovers of good.  Some of American pulpits anointing has waxed cold and instead have become a place for motivational speaking instead of the Gospel.  Some churches spend twenty minutes about an offering and then five minutes on one’s soul.  Let’s face it, some passages we are use to just seeing in our Bibles are now stories with our local TV news stations.

This all points to one statement:  Jesus is coming back!

Philippians 2:10-11

That at the name of Jesus every knee shall bow, of those in heaven, and of those on the earth, and of those under the earth.  And every tongue shall confess that Jesus Chris is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Now we’ve all read or have heard of the scripture.  Yet we miss the value of this scripture.  Every knee-that includes under the earth.  Satan will bow his knee.  His demons will bow their knees.  His kingdom will bow.  So ask yourself saints, why are we giving Satan power that he really doesn’t have over us IN CHRIST!  Once we’ve been transformed from the power of darkness, we took our dominion back from him.  The only authority he has is what we give to him!
So the next time he tries his tricks, remember EVERY knee!

Stay encouraged.