Memorial Day can be a hard day
for some while others just see it as a day off from work. Life journeys are
never straight. Isaiah 45:2 lets us know there are times when the journey will be
crooked. As I was celebrating the New
Year with my hubs, I had no idea what was ahead of me just two months later. I was warned through a dream that death was
knocking at the door, I just didn’t know how close that knock was going to be.
My mother was a woman of
faith. I would watch this woman praise
God through losing a job, a house, and even close friends. You would never know by her praise on Sundays
that we were trusting God for food or going to the Salvation Army for
clothes. Yet I learn just how real God
was through those experiences as we never went hungry and never had to be on
the streets. God kept us. Yet my mom became my inspiration as she would
praise God through it all. Even ‘til the end she would minister to people in the
middle of her own pain, she yet worship God although she lost part of her leg,
and I was yet able to suck up her spiritual wisdom during our talks.
The month of March came. At the
beginning of that month mom ended up in the hospital again. As usual she was yet praising God in the
midst of turmoil. We were still able to
talk with her and pray with her. We
would yet encourage each other by God’s word. Yet this visit didn’t feel like the
others. One day I came in and mom showed
me this scripture:
Psalms
116: 15 Precious in the sight of the
Lord is the death of his saints.
I remember pausing, but then went
into the devil is a liar, you are not going anywhere. Yet it was like my mother knew something that I didn't want to accept. For years I would watch God
heal her, heal the family, she be used as an instrument for healing with others. I knew God could do it again. By the middle of March, all of the sudden I felt
a shift in my prayers over mom. They
were no longer being fully released like I was use to. I started questioning ok, did we sin? Why the sudden shift? The doctor informed me that my mother only
had two months to live. My first reaction
was you are not God. Then I felt like
someone came into that hospital room and put their arms around me. I was overwhelmed with peace. Towards the end of March, we could barely
talk to mom. It was just pain med and
helping her in ways I didn’t think I would ever have to assist her in. Yet I made the decision to yet stand on God’s
word, no matter what I was seeing. When
I would feel overwhelm, that same experience of someone coming in and putting
their arms around me would happen which would give a peace unexplained. By March 29, 2016 my mom transition, but I
could yet see the beauty of God in her death.
He granted her desire; she passed in her sleep, in her own bed, with her
family as she always talked about. At
her home-going, a girl we never stopped
praying for came and ended up getting prayer and have been coming back to
church ever since.
Here is the struggle.
The bible lets us know we are to
rejoice at a saint’s death, and yes we did rejoice at my mother’s
home-going. Yet I found myself feeling
guilty for wanting to cry, for wanting to wipe my grief away with carvel cakes, and
at times just wanting to be by myself and talk to no one. God is so good, even in grief. He used my sweet sister @spreadingjoy to say
a statement that stuck with me: it’s ok
not to be ok. When I saw that, it hit my
heart so. So yes, I rejoice that my mom
got her new body with no more pain or sickness.
However the scripture says:
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds in Psalms 147:3.
Truth-my heart has been broken. Mom was only 64 years of age and part of me
don’t understand why God didn’t heal another time. It hurts I can no longer go by the house and
just talk with her. It hurts that I can
no longer witness her yet praising God or ministering to people. I even miss her fussingJ I am a witness that it’s ok to not be
ok. God sends his comfort every single
time. He uses people, He uses his word,
and his awesome presence is the best.
He is yet healing my broken heart, but I encourage all saints that maybe
grieving to yet trust in our God. For those that may have lost a love one due
to servicing their country remember He will truly give you peace that passes
our understanding if you let him!
Prayer: Father in the name of Jesus, we may not understand
but we know all things work together for good, even in moments of lost. You are the God that comforts. Comfort all those that maybe experiencing a
lost. Jehovah Shalom, you are our peace. Saturate our spirits with your peace that
passes our understanding. Heal our
broken hearts and bind up our wounds. We
thank you Father that we can cast all our cares upon you, which includes our
grief. We thank you for removing the
heavy burdens and destroying all yokes.
We give you all praise in Jesus name we pray. Amen.
